The Real Reason Why Couples Fight

Sex. Money. Infidelity. More Sex. Attention. Friends. Jobs. Abuse. Etc…

Ask any couple why they’re fighting and their answers will include at least some of the above issues.

However, those are just “mirrors” through which the deeper problems are reflected. Behind every fight or argument with your partner lies something bigger.

The real reasons why you’re fighting fall under the following 3 categories:

1. Power and Control

2. Closeness and Care

3. Respect and Recognition



  • When you fight about the trash that wasn’t taken out, the real problem is not the trash in itself. The problem is that you wanted him to show Care.
  • When you argue that he’s always on his laptop when he’s supposed to be with you, the real problem is not that you hate his job. The issue is that you need Closeness.
  • When your partner is 15 minutes late to a dinner, you’re not mad at him because you lost 15 minutes of time. You’re mad because you feel Disrespected.

Unfortunately, many couples today do not understand these things – and therefore they keep treating the “symptoms” rather than curing the disease.

These 3 main layers of need (Power & Control, Closeness & Care, Respect & Recognition) are at the heart of our relationship problems. As it is, there’s no magic wand we can wave to help you solve all your problems. There’s no 3-step formula guaranteed to help you stop fighting with your partner.

Instead, what we do have is a system that goes to the heart of the issue and gradually breaks down every barrier. That system is called Communication.


If you will make a conscious commitment to improve your communication with your partner, I bet you that 90% of all the other problems you face will be resolved.

The question is, how do you improve your communication when it feels like your partner is not making any effort?

You’ve tried to talk to him but he gives you the cold treatment. You pour out your heart but he’s not listening. You’ve done “everything” you can and nothing is changing.

So, how exactly do you improve your communication?

That’s a question we’ll answer in another post.

But, if you only take 1 thing out of today’s post, make a promise to yourself that you’ll do everything it takes to improve your communication. Don’t worry, we’ll show you how.

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